To G-d From the Dog

This came to me in an e-mail. I do not know who authored it so I cannot give credit.

To: G-d

From: The Dog

Dear G-d: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear G-d: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear G-d: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear G-d: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear G-d: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear G-d: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear G-d: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear G-d: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel.'
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying? Hello?
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.