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First Posted: Jan 7, 2009
Jun 9, 2014

Cat and Dog Diary

This came to me in an e-mail and I thought it was so true. However, I do love both cats and dogs.

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:

  • 6:00 am - At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!
  • 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
  • 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
  • 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
  • 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
  • 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
  • 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
  • 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
  • 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
  • 6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
  • 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
  • 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched tv with the people! My favorite thing!
  • 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:

  • Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
  • In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Scum!
  • There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
  • Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

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